St. Patty's Day

I'm denouncing my Irish roots if this shit keeps happening to me. I'm out with my friends, celebrating my Irish heritage and my excuse to drink in the middle of the work week. We have a few pitchers, we listen to some bad karaoke, and all of a sudden its 2 AM and the bar kicks us out on our asses. With nothing else to do, and work looming at 6AM, we all call it a night...or so I thought. Apparently swerving on the highway catches the attention of asshole patrolmen. For those who aren't following this...I got pulled over for DUI. I'm from Texas, I'm female, I'm in the military, It's St. Patrick's Day and I'm Irish - hello? I got pulled over in Fairfax County, VA. Should I have been arrested? I think not. They handcuff me, to a chair, for 3 hours. Then I got in an argument with the arresting officer...so he refused to let me take a breathalyzer. Later I found out its illegal to refuse it, and that's what he and the magistrate on duty swore that I did. Bastards. So I spent the dirtiest 12 hours of my life in a drunk tank on the biggest drunken holiday of the year. YAY - I met a FBI agent in lockup, we lamented about our ruined careers together...till she got out and left me alone with the dirty people. For future reference, when you get locked up in VA you get 5 free phone calls. Catch is - they have to be local and can't be cell phones. Did I mention I'm not from around here. The only local number my memory possesses is my work desk. Again my luck kicks in. The biggest rat in my unit answers the phone and I have to explain to her that I'm calling from jail...oh...and I need to be bailed out. As soon as I hang up the phone, what does she do? She's in the First Sergeant's office telling all. At about 2 PM the next day my boss, and 3 of the highest ranking individual's in my unit come pick me up. Things are starting to look up - I can finally go the restroom without an audience, I can eat...hadn't done that in 16 hours, and I can sleep - hadn't done that in almost 30. Now all that's left is finding a decent lawyer to exonerate me. Oh and as a side note to all of you that are shaking your heads and saying thats what you get for drinking and driving, I wasn't frickin drunk! Really - they gave the breathalyzer to the chic that was with me so that she could drive my car home - she drank more than me and blew a .02 - thats even legal if you're underage! So there.