I'm a Christian. I don't thump on a Bible, or prop myself up in public proclaiming to be more rightous than others. My Bible says you shouldn't do that. I don't belong to a church. My Bible says to help the poor, not ridicule them or judge them for their "weakness". My Bible says something about how difficult it is for a rich man to get to heaven. I don't believe a church that seems more concerned with fund raising than helping others is really doing God's work. I don't believe in judging others. I don't believe it's okay to drive by a begger and calm my conscious by saying "they're just a drug addict." I believe a Christian cares for a drug addict. I believe a Christian socieity should have a way to reach out to a drug addict. If they turn away our help, I believe we should reach out again. And again.
The Jesus I follow spent a fair amount of time in the company of a prostitute. He didn't judge her. The Jesus I follow said a lot about the old laws being wiped away and being replaced by one simple law- "Love each other as I have loved you."
I am a Christian and find it ironic that it is difficult to find a Christian church that represents my values.
My Jesus spent much of his life in the company of those socieity found unfit. I believe my Jesus would have loved gays as much as hetrosexuals. I don't think my Jesus would lobby for a constitutional amendment that legalizes descrimination against them.
I'm a Christian, but never say so in public. I wish the symbols of my faith reflected what I believe. Once they did. I used to wear a cross around my neck. I used to attend church regularly. Now people who represent values that I find very non-Christ-like have taken ownership of what these symbols represent.
I hope there are others who believe what I believe. I hope there are others who feel like I do. I hope that one day we can do Christian work that matters- helping the poor, healing the sick, protecting the earth- and stop judging each other for things we may not agree with.
I drink alcohol; you think its wrong. Thanks for sharing. I volunteered at a homeless shelter last night while you spent the evening in your posh sanctuary condemning sinners for their acts. Who was more productive for the greater good? I don't like discrimination for whatever reason...
If you agree with me, join me. It's easy. You don't have to sign anything or agree to a docterine. You just have to do what you know is right.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
This just made me giggle a little...
Two Proposals Worth Considering ...
New Gas Plan....Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use. The best way to stop using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would have to come down as a result.
New Immigration Plan... Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the border. When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Iraq. Tell him if he wants to come to America, then he must serve a tour in the military. Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it. After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country. He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal patriot. This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Iraq, and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves. If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo. Problem solved
New Gas Plan....Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use. The best way to stop using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would have to come down as a result.
New Immigration Plan... Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the border. When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Iraq. Tell him if he wants to come to America, then he must serve a tour in the military. Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it. After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country. He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal patriot. This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Iraq, and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves. If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo. Problem solved
I'm in "Want"
Its been awhile guys,
That being said...I have a few things to get off my chest...that I can't really say on my myspace because well, its being "monitored" for the health, morale and safety of the AF of course. What a load of...but I digress.
Have you ever been in love? I have. Or maybe I haven't. Maybe what I've been in is "want of love". Does that make sense? You want something so bad that you imagine or make yourself believe you have it. I want to be in love. I would love to be loved! (and no Mom, I'm not talking about by you) With my dating history its something I think about alot.
...Or maybe I've just gotten comfortable and don't want to start over with someone new.
Where did this come from? HA! I was watching "Scrubs" earlier, (A highly intellectual show with deep meaning) and Zach Braff's character was contemplating the same question. He and Eliot (a girl doctor on the show) had just begun dating after being best friends for quite some time. Now he had nursed a crush on her since meeting her and thought that dating her would be perfect. He quickly realized that although he really liked her, he didn't love her and rather than lead her on, he should break it off and just be friends. Now all this happened within a 30 minute frame of time on a television sitcom. (and everyone lived happily ever after as written in the carefully scripted screenplay) My life on the other hand...not so much.
The "lets just be good friends" only works in theory. It doesn't hold out very well in real life. As my brother once eloquently put it; "Girls have guy friends, guys have friends that are girls that they haven't f*cked yet." This is true. But I think it works both ways.
Here's my theory;
Relationships can always be built up. BUT. Once you start tearing it down, you can't take away pieces. It will all fall apart. You can't go back. I've tried. Someone, maybe not you, but someone, always ends up hurt.
I can think of two times I have experienced what I might venture to call "love". I'm playing loosely with this term, because I haven't decided if I actually believe it.
I've actually told ONE guy that I loved him and I think I did mean it that time. I don't regret what we had at first. I regret that I let it go so long, just because it was easier than dealing with being apart. If we had just broken up when things went sour the first time I think we might still be on speaking terms.
Then there's the more recent one. This is the one that's really tearin me up, mostly because he has NO idea how I feel. He's completely clueless and its because I'm stuck in the friend zone. The one I was talking about earlier...where we dated and then broke up(didn't speak for 2 months) and then became best buds again. HE screwed up, just for the record...and I'm the one that eventually forgave him. The odd thing was our friendship picked right back up, no awkwardness, we went right back to finishing each others thoughts and texting each other nonstop throughout the day. We don't get tired of each other, which is odd for me. We literally are in communication with each other all day from 0500-2200, and we don't run out of things to say! I wish I could just be friends with him and control these feelings. I wish everytime I heard about his dates with someone else I didn't get heated and jealous. But I do. Playing the confidante and best friend is Clearly not working for me. I'm right back where I was 4 months ago. My friends warned me. They said "He's bad for you. He may be a good guy, but its unhealthy for you." They're right of course. I just can't stop myself. I'm in a rut. Sometimes its a comfortable rut, and sometimes it gets a few rocks in it. Is it taking the analogy too far to say the rut is filling up with rocks and I've gotta do something about it before I get buried? haha, maybe it is. Anyway, what I think I'm trying to say is; I don't think I'm in love with him. I think I'm just really comfortable around him. We get each other, and it takes time to get to that point. I think I don't want to give up the ghost simply because nothing better has come along, and I don't know if it will. I feel like I've invested too much into this to just walk away...
P.S.
Honestly this post wasn't going to be all about that.
It just kinda came out, sorry.
I'll try to get you something more entertaining to read next time...and I'll try to be a little more reliable about posting in the future ;)
That being said...I have a few things to get off my chest...that I can't really say on my myspace because well, its being "monitored" for the health, morale and safety of the AF of course. What a load of...but I digress.
Have you ever been in love? I have. Or maybe I haven't. Maybe what I've been in is "want of love". Does that make sense? You want something so bad that you imagine or make yourself believe you have it. I want to be in love. I would love to be loved! (and no Mom, I'm not talking about by you) With my dating history its something I think about alot.
...Or maybe I've just gotten comfortable and don't want to start over with someone new.
Where did this come from? HA! I was watching "Scrubs" earlier, (A highly intellectual show with deep meaning) and Zach Braff's character was contemplating the same question. He and Eliot (a girl doctor on the show) had just begun dating after being best friends for quite some time. Now he had nursed a crush on her since meeting her and thought that dating her would be perfect. He quickly realized that although he really liked her, he didn't love her and rather than lead her on, he should break it off and just be friends. Now all this happened within a 30 minute frame of time on a television sitcom. (and everyone lived happily ever after as written in the carefully scripted screenplay) My life on the other hand...not so much.
The "lets just be good friends" only works in theory. It doesn't hold out very well in real life. As my brother once eloquently put it; "Girls have guy friends, guys have friends that are girls that they haven't f*cked yet." This is true. But I think it works both ways.
Here's my theory;
Relationships can always be built up. BUT. Once you start tearing it down, you can't take away pieces. It will all fall apart. You can't go back. I've tried. Someone, maybe not you, but someone, always ends up hurt.
I can think of two times I have experienced what I might venture to call "love". I'm playing loosely with this term, because I haven't decided if I actually believe it.
I've actually told ONE guy that I loved him and I think I did mean it that time. I don't regret what we had at first. I regret that I let it go so long, just because it was easier than dealing with being apart. If we had just broken up when things went sour the first time I think we might still be on speaking terms.
Then there's the more recent one. This is the one that's really tearin me up, mostly because he has NO idea how I feel. He's completely clueless and its because I'm stuck in the friend zone. The one I was talking about earlier...where we dated and then broke up(didn't speak for 2 months) and then became best buds again. HE screwed up, just for the record...and I'm the one that eventually forgave him. The odd thing was our friendship picked right back up, no awkwardness, we went right back to finishing each others thoughts and texting each other nonstop throughout the day. We don't get tired of each other, which is odd for me. We literally are in communication with each other all day from 0500-2200, and we don't run out of things to say! I wish I could just be friends with him and control these feelings. I wish everytime I heard about his dates with someone else I didn't get heated and jealous. But I do. Playing the confidante and best friend is Clearly not working for me. I'm right back where I was 4 months ago. My friends warned me. They said "He's bad for you. He may be a good guy, but its unhealthy for you." They're right of course. I just can't stop myself. I'm in a rut. Sometimes its a comfortable rut, and sometimes it gets a few rocks in it. Is it taking the analogy too far to say the rut is filling up with rocks and I've gotta do something about it before I get buried? haha, maybe it is. Anyway, what I think I'm trying to say is; I don't think I'm in love with him. I think I'm just really comfortable around him. We get each other, and it takes time to get to that point. I think I don't want to give up the ghost simply because nothing better has come along, and I don't know if it will. I feel like I've invested too much into this to just walk away...
P.S.
Honestly this post wasn't going to be all about that.
It just kinda came out, sorry.
I'll try to get you something more entertaining to read next time...and I'll try to be a little more reliable about posting in the future ;)
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Monday, October 16, 2006
Monday, October 09, 2006
Being Depressed sucks
I think I've discovered what the hardest thing in life is. Its coming to grips with the fact that you youself are the root of your own unhappiness. Its one thing to be unhappy and able to blame someone else for it. Its entirely another more depressing thing to be miserable and realize that its your fault.
Everyday I see the little surveys with their questions like, "Do you regret anything?", and then I see everyone answering it, "No, everything happens for a reason." I can't help but think, "What are they doing right that I'm getting so wrong? Why do I make so many huge mistakes? Why can't I stop myself when I know what I'm doing is going to end up hurting me in the end?"
Point in case; my dating choices:
Case A - Awesome guy, brilliant, gorgeous, dynamic personality, mature, oh and did I mention I just found out he has a girlfriend? Yeah...so there ya go.
Case B - Good lookin, steady job, charming, hilarious, lil bit of a partier, oh and once again...has an undercover girlfriend he failed to mention; strike that...FIANCE.
I could go on, but I think the pattern has been established. For reasons unbeknownst to me I seem to be everyones favorite Mistress. I don't know why. It took me half a year to find out about Case A's deceit...and only a few days to figure out B. The shitty thing - I haven't ended things with A because I really do like him. Stupid huh? Probably the most successful relationship of my life and it turns out to be a total sham. Makes me sick just thinking about it. I didn't think he had it in him, shows what I know right? ...and B, I def called him out, and he lied to me and said they were breakin up. Do I look like an idiot? Because I sure do get treated like one alot.
Lets not get confused here...this isn't just about my bad choices when it comes to men. I make poor choices in all aspects of life. Its not even bad like I'm taking the easy way out either...its just BAD. I think it all started when I decided to join the military instead of go to college. I should've stuck with something I was passionate about rather than waste four years in a dead end job. My second stupid decision was joining the Honor Guard instead of going to Airborne Linguist school. If I had graduated I would have a much more marketable skill than um...being able to "stand real good." Third one, Hawaii. God that was dumb. But not as dumb as my next one - Stephen...but we won't even go there because it baffles the sane side of my mind that it even happened. Oh and lets not forget about the DUI - that was fun. Followed by my homelessness and subsequent house bouncing which has me in the mess I find myself in now. All of these...choices I made. All things that didn't necessarily have to happen.
I would really like to move on. Turn a new leaf, maybe stop making poor choices that end up fucking me over...but it seems like I'm never gonna get that chance. If life had a rewind button, I think I would've broken it by now by overuse.
Not everything that's happened in the last four years has been sucky, just most of it. The unsucky things get kinda overshadowed unless I really think about it. I have a cat that loves only me, weird but cool in a selfish sorta way. I have friends that care about me, and are there for me no matter what dumb thing I do next. I have the best and most supportive mom in the world. I have my health, which when you think about it, is cheesy, but at the same time important to note. And I have my faith...however wavering at times, its always there to fall back on.
I guess I'm just feeling depressed tonight about the state my life is in. But I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself when its myself that did this!
Everyday I see the little surveys with their questions like, "Do you regret anything?", and then I see everyone answering it, "No, everything happens for a reason." I can't help but think, "What are they doing right that I'm getting so wrong? Why do I make so many huge mistakes? Why can't I stop myself when I know what I'm doing is going to end up hurting me in the end?"
Point in case; my dating choices:
Case A - Awesome guy, brilliant, gorgeous, dynamic personality, mature, oh and did I mention I just found out he has a girlfriend? Yeah...so there ya go.
Case B - Good lookin, steady job, charming, hilarious, lil bit of a partier, oh and once again...has an undercover girlfriend he failed to mention; strike that...FIANCE.
I could go on, but I think the pattern has been established. For reasons unbeknownst to me I seem to be everyones favorite Mistress. I don't know why. It took me half a year to find out about Case A's deceit...and only a few days to figure out B. The shitty thing - I haven't ended things with A because I really do like him. Stupid huh? Probably the most successful relationship of my life and it turns out to be a total sham. Makes me sick just thinking about it. I didn't think he had it in him, shows what I know right? ...and B, I def called him out, and he lied to me and said they were breakin up. Do I look like an idiot? Because I sure do get treated like one alot.
Lets not get confused here...this isn't just about my bad choices when it comes to men. I make poor choices in all aspects of life. Its not even bad like I'm taking the easy way out either...its just BAD. I think it all started when I decided to join the military instead of go to college. I should've stuck with something I was passionate about rather than waste four years in a dead end job. My second stupid decision was joining the Honor Guard instead of going to Airborne Linguist school. If I had graduated I would have a much more marketable skill than um...being able to "stand real good." Third one, Hawaii. God that was dumb. But not as dumb as my next one - Stephen...but we won't even go there because it baffles the sane side of my mind that it even happened. Oh and lets not forget about the DUI - that was fun. Followed by my homelessness and subsequent house bouncing which has me in the mess I find myself in now. All of these...choices I made. All things that didn't necessarily have to happen.
I would really like to move on. Turn a new leaf, maybe stop making poor choices that end up fucking me over...but it seems like I'm never gonna get that chance. If life had a rewind button, I think I would've broken it by now by overuse.
Not everything that's happened in the last four years has been sucky, just most of it. The unsucky things get kinda overshadowed unless I really think about it. I have a cat that loves only me, weird but cool in a selfish sorta way. I have friends that care about me, and are there for me no matter what dumb thing I do next. I have the best and most supportive mom in the world. I have my health, which when you think about it, is cheesy, but at the same time important to note. And I have my faith...however wavering at times, its always there to fall back on.
I guess I'm just feeling depressed tonight about the state my life is in. But I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself when its myself that did this!
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Monday, May 22, 2006
Roommates
Okay, so I've never lived with bachelors before...so this is all new territory for me. These guys are a mess! Here's one of my more creative ways of domesticating them...baby steps...
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