Letter to my Explorer

Dear Crappy Car,
Why are you doing this to me? What did I ever do to you? I feed you gas, expensive gas, regularly; I keep you oiled, lubed, and ready for action. I just bought you brand new [expensive] shoes (tires). Granted you don't get washed as much as you would probably like, but I don't think that constitutes the vile way you are treating me. Hey I even put a new sound system in you, you jerk. Yet you continue to find new and exciting ways to inconvenience me. What is it with you? Can't you at least have normal car issues? Maybe even easy fixes? NEVER. Not you. Putting a new stereo and speaker system in, that should be easy right? No, you have to have a completely fucked electrical system, that is not only fried in places, but also doesn't follow the factory workup in the least. Who built you...monkeys? Changing a tire...fairly straightforward right? Not with you, you bastard. A spare tire isn't good enough for you, you have to have all brand new ones. Oh and your windshield wipers...they aren't there just to fan you. They are actually supposed to remove the rain from the glass. I'll give you this, your air conditioner works great, probably cause I replaced the whole thing four years ago. Until this year, we were on good terms...then you had to fuck up our great relationship. Way to go. Now your sparkplugs don't wanna work...I can't fix them if you won't let me. Why do you have to be so difficult? If you don't start putting more into this relationship then I am going to be forced to end it. I know where I can get a little blue book by the name of Kelley...
V/R
Your Driver